Friday, November 25, 2022

The Necessity of Feeling

The Necessity of Feeling

What is the gift of ‘feeling’? What happens when we avoid feeling our feelings?

My heart hopes you find this article helpful on your journey of being aligned in Love, and inspires your discovery of how to embody joy daily.   

I have had great losses in life. My marriage ending was my first tragic loss for my heart, because of the toll it took on my family to regain our connection and love for one another. This was then followed by the deaths of a sister, Mom, Auntie, Uncle (who was my Godfather), and most recently my Dad. Grief has been my intimate companion for over a decade. The greatest lessons have been ‘Life is Now!’ and ‘grief is a journey of acceptance, trust, and a great teacher’. Please visit my article on grief. 

We need to feel our grief as it helps us to be present with the whole range of feelings that are possible. Suppression of feelings, in my opinion, perpetuates stuck energy within us. Suppression also leads to numbness, disconnection (from self and others), compartmentalizing, perpetuating pain, dis-ease, and a loss of integrity and trust with ourselves.

To be unwavering in love means we are taking on the deep work within ourselves. We are not projecting our pain onto others, we are dealing with it, by feeling our way through. Since childhood, we have been programmed to deflect our pain. To ‘Suck it up’, ‘behave’, ‘you are weak if you show emotion’ are popular opinions in society’s conditioning. On the contrary, it is not natural to deflect our feelings. It creates dis-ease within the body, mind, and spirit.

Consider the reactions of a small child. They fall down and respond according to the emotion of the adult that is present with them. If the adult overreacts with immense fear or concern, the child will generally feel their energy and react with a matching feeling of fear. Which can lead to crying or feeling a greater depth of pain from the fall. Worse yet is when we are met with anger, frustration, and projection that again shuts us down from showing any emotion at all.

Alternatively, if the adult is light hearted and responding to the child with a gentle smile and reassurance that they are okay, the child will generally pick themselves up with greater ease and brush off the incident. Can you see how this helps set them up for success to embody resilience for future falls? In life we all fall, over and over again. It is a part of life’s journey.

Having a perspective of seeing the world with childlike wonder and playful curiosity feels extraordinary. It allows us to be open to greater possibilities and experience for joyful presence. I believe these are all qualities that support us in connecting to unwavering love.

You might ask, ‘that is all well and good, what about when life hands us difficulties to face?’ Prior to opening myself to these possibilities, I would shy away, shrink back, and avoid confrontation at all costs. To make sure everyone else was ‘comfortable’. Never considering myself or the cost to my own well being. The ‘comfort zone’ can be a zone of contraction and staying in patterns and limitations that hold us back from allowing us a more authentic life.

I have witnessed the gift of seeing this reflection play out over and over, allowing me to understand my own patterns. How might you ‘lean into’ the feeling and circumstances in your life, to support you in working through your emotions quickly without getting stuck in the lower range of feelings?

Get out of your comfort zone and feel deeply and passionately. A good cry does wonders. An anger expression/process - in a controlled safe way - can support you in releasing what is ready to be complete. We hold back. Where does this show up in your life? 

Imagine again being that small child. Something is upsetting, it doesn’t feel good. It could be a reaction of immense sadness or anger, something that hurts your heart. It could be the feeling of being left alone, and feeling the pain of loneliness. It could be not being able to find your favorite toy or blanket, that helps you feel secure. It could be feeling helpless, as you wait for someone to provide for your basic needs like providing a bottle or changing a diaper. Imagine these instances for a small child.

What would you do as a small child? We feel the feels. We go into a full on temper tantrum. Screaming, pounding the floor. Give it a minute or two and there isn’t much intense energy left. It purges itself from our system. It is gone and often we cannot even recall what made us upset in the first place.

Then we grow up. We learn that ‘it isn’t okay to show our emotions’. We stuff it down, stuff it down, stuff it down, until our body reaches maximum overload. The stress in the body accumulates and creates dis-ease in the body. It doesn’t end well. If we cannot deal with the cause of the stress, it continues to build. It goes from a slight disturbance of alarm, where if we caught it would then be a Godsend. Though without being acknowledged, it turns into numbness. Ultimately, leading to greater destruction in the body.

That is the path that most are on. Are you wanting to choose a path of greater body awareness? Are you looking for support in transforming your perspective to align with greater love in your life? Are you looking to rediscover your passion and joy in life?

Working with transforming these patterns, limiting false beliefs, and welcoming the gift of reflection for what life is presenting you is powerful work. It takes courage, patience, and a great deal of love.

If I can support you on your journey, I welcome the invitation to connect. Feel free to email me at

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