Monday, September 28, 2020

No More Holding Back — I’ll Stand By You

I was sitting quietly this morning in the dark, listening to the silence —when this song popped into my mind —‘I’ll Stand By You’.

The thought came to mind about how ironic that the band who sings it is — ‘The Pretenders’. How often do you need to ‘pretend’ you are ok, to hold it all inside? To not show emotions, to have a ‘poker face’? I use to hear this all the time — “I cannot read you, you have such a poker face and being asked regularly why I wasn’t ‘happy’”.

If you can relate to this, I have been giving it a lot of consideration as to ‘why’ and can assure you, that you may be better than ok, and you aren’t ‘broken’. 

Many of us were ‘conditioned’ to lock down our feelings. Imagine being 2, 3, 4 years old...and you are frustrated, tired, in pain, for some reason that seems worthy to your learning mind — and your parent or trusted adult is attempting to hush you, to tell you to ‘brace up’, discounting how you are feeling — to get you to stop the behavior of crying to quell their own frustration or embarrassment — and share with you some false beliefs they likely grew up with.

We believed what we were told, because it was the norm. Conditioning from society and generations that came before us with stories to discount our feelings, such as... ‘Big boys don’t cry.’ 'Good girls should be seen and not heard.' ‘It’s not that bad.’ ‘You’re an embarrassment’. ‘Only those who are weak show emotions’. ‘Pull yourself up by your bootstraps’. Shamed into believing that any sign of vulnerability is equal to being weak. 

This creates a society where many of us hold ourselves back from feeling, emoting, with this false belief that we cannot fully be ourselves -- with this insatiable need to prove just how strong we are. And where does that get us?

What we aren’t often taught is that suppression can lead to depression. We also aren’t taught that those walls that we build around us to keep us safe turn into a self imposed prison. They may keep us safe in a moment, though in the long term they hold us back from fully experiencing life, love, and the joy that we may feel is ‘just out of reach’.

You can only hold in your emotions for so long, and in my opinion it leads to resistance and dis-ease in the body - inhibiting the flow of life, love, health, and vitality. Imagine what holding it in creates? Attached in the comments is an ‘NET’ chart of emotions and organ correlation. Use it as a tool if you are having a health challenge to see if you can connect your body pain and challenges to any subconscious emotions and what is ‘up’ in your world. 

What if your strength was actually in your willingness to be vulnerable, to feel, to show emotions, to cry, to get angry, frustrated, to ‘feel your feels’ allowing your feelings to move through you to finally get to the space where you can ‘let go’? I wonder what that could create for you?

It takes great courage to feel, to be seen, to be honest and tell the truth, and to share your feelings with another. Vulnerability is one of the most courageous ways of being present with your heart and with others.

You get to be victorious in your life by taking responsibility for your body, mind, and emotions. You aren’t a victim of life or circumstances when you choose not to be. You choose to be a victor. To be sovereign knowing the kingdom of God is within you, owning your presence. 

As I listen to this song, it is empowering to feel as though it is that presence of God within that will never leave your side and will stand with you, no matter what. 

You get to honor yourself, have self respect and confidence, being true to your heart. There is no space of allowance for others to manipulate or hurt you, when you stand with God —allowing for your own knowing, Guidance, to acknowledge that you get to trust yourself and ‘feel the feels’. You feel the way you do for a reason. Honor that. 

If you don’t like how you feel, look for what brings you joy and peace. Connect with your heart (cry, scream alone in your car or into a pillow —or punch that pillow to let it out), connect with nature, turn off the tv, listen to high vibration music, dance, move your body, take a bath, get quiet, listen to your heartbeat —it is your center and the rhythm of your Divine essence. 

I believe the extent of the joy we are able to feel — is the extent of the pain we are ‘willing’ to feel.

It is interesting that my clients have been exclusively women as it is always what felt ‘safe’ for me. I am considering opening up my toolbox of resources to help create a greater shift in our world by stretching out of my comfort zone, to also work with high level men and couples who are desiring to connect with their heart. 

I believe the women in our world deserve men who are not afraid to feel, share their emotions, and maintain their strength through their vulnerability. I also believe women get to be that space of Love that holds that vulnerability, to create security for a man — and honor the protection, security, safety that he provides for her.

No more offense, defense. No more drama. Being a team that is unshakable- honoring the vulnerability of both. 

The heart is where it all starts and where it all ends. Loving you. 🥰✨

You are never alone...

“Oh, why you look so sad, the tears are in your eyes,

Come on and come to me now, and don't be ashamed to cry,

Let me see you through, 'cause I've seen the dark side too.

When the night falls on you, you don't know what to do,

Nothing you confess could make me love you less,

I'll stand by you,

I'll stand by you, won't let nobody hurt you,

I'll stand by you

So if you're mad, get mad, don't hold it all inside,

Come on and talk to me now.

Hey there, what you got to hide?

I get angry too, well, I'm alive like you.

When you're standing at the cross roads,

And don't know which path to choose,

Let me come along, 'cause even if you're wrong

I'll stand by you,

I'll stand by you, won't let nobody hurt you,

I'll stand by you.

Baby, even to your darkest hour, and I'll never desert you,

I'll stand by you.

And when, when the night falls on you baby,

You're feeling all alone, you're wandering on your own,

I'll stand by you.

I'll stand by you, won't let nobody hurt you,

I'll stand by you, baby even to your darkest hour,

And I'll never desert you,

I'll stand by you,

I'll stand by you.

I'll stand by you, won't let nobody hurt you,

I'll stand by you, baby even to your darkest hour,

And I'll never desert you

I'll stand by you”

I’ll Stand By You - The Pretenders